Finances suck royally...

It's interesting how several areas in your life can feel so out of control. For me, it's obviously my finances and my weight. We are currently sitting at about $273.7K in debt. Is that not the most frickin insane thing ever? Granted, $169.8K of that is on our house. That is a justifiable debt, so we'll put that amount to the side. So what makes up the other $103.9K? Approximately $66.6K in student loan debt (isn't THAT ironic?), $5.5K to my mom that she loaned us for a down payment on the house, $20.4K on our vehicles (approx $9.5K of this is for a motorcycle and related expenses - don't get me started, the rest is refinanced CC debt), and approximately $11.4 in unsecured debt. Listing it all out like that just makes me want to throw up. The fact that my husband has NO issues with taking out another $9.5K in debt (I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up being more) because he has to have the frickin motorcycle is SO frustrating to me. He has no interest in the finances beyond thanking me for taking care of them. If I try to talk to him about the finances, his eyes just glaze over. Of course he has no problem asking for more money or telling me he "needs" this or that constantly. I just want to scream at him sometimes. And the thing that is the most stressful about this motorcycle is that we honestly cannot afford this additional payment, not to mention the $100/month that it's going to take to insure this bike. It's not a matter of doing without this or that. The money just isn't there. This has to be the stupidest thing that we've done. He's "committed" to working a second job to make the payments, at least for a year (too bad that the payments last four years and insurance will last forever). The thing is, that he whined and nagged and prodded me long enough, and then I stupidly decided that I wanted to get a puppy that we honestly can't afford either, so I gave in on this to get my puppy and some peace. Stupid stupid stupid. He swears that he won't ask me for another toy for a long time, but I have my doubts. I just wish we could make this go away overnight. Obviously it doesn't work that way (at least not without losing our cars, credit status, and our home). I can see why they say that finances take such a toll on a marriage. Right now part of me wishes that I could just walk away, because I don't really ever see this ending, and that is sad. :( I know I am blessed to have him in many ways, but the bad/frustrating really seem to outweigh the bad at the moment.

We had a talk the other night about kids and I told him how sad I was that I wouldn't be able to stay at home with our kids. The option that I've been defaulted into is that my mother-in-law will watch our future kids during the day while we're at work. His response? "My mom will take good care of them" Oh, like she does of our bratty nieces? The ones that eat nothing besides fried foods and sweets? The ones that are well on their way to becoming obese? Like that? It doesn't matter to him at all that I want to stay at home with our children. I eventually got an "I'm sorry" before he started joking around to try to get my mind off of the subject. I really, really, really wish I'd been smarter as a teenager. I didn't give what I wanted out of life a second thought. I honestly thought I was so lucky to find one guy that cared for me that I didn't give one thought to what I wanted out of life, I pretty much devoted all of my energy towards his wants and needs. Not that I've been deprived (see debt paragraph above), but when you're both racking up the credit cards, it's hard to be deprived. The problem is that one day, I had a wake up call and realized that all of my money was now tied up in debt repayment, and he hasn't really ever had that moment. I know we're going to go back and forth about this one for the rest of our lives. I don't think that we agree on child raising, money, planning for the future, or anything. It just makes me want to cry or scream. I honestly don't know what to do.

On another note, I walked my puppy for about 5-10 minutes at lunch today, and she's slept for the last 4 hours with NO protests. Weird. I guess I will have to keep doing this.

So....I've accomplished nothing today. Not even a shower. Kitchen is a mess, husband's pants aren't ironed (GRRRRRRR), no dinner working or even planned. Blah blah blah. I'm such a ray of sunshine! ;)

My plan is just to try to pay the MC off ASAP. I know getting our savings built is important to, and I'm going to keep sending that off (Lord willing), but any excess or amount that I can cut is going to go towards freeing up that $87 per month. Then I'll be able to breathe a little bit better. Then next in line is the stupid Lowe's card. After that, I'm fine with focusing on putting everything towards our contingency fund.

Why does life have to be SO stressful? Why do we have to make it that way?